Gosh – it’s been a while hasn’t it?
That’s exactly what I have kept telling myself each day and yet I have let each of those days escape me, like the sighs that dissolve from my soul into the world around me, a quiet manifestation of the anger I harbour for my own forgetfulness.
Well I wouldn’t call it forgetfulness and I’m not sure I could call it laziness either. I don’t know what it is. The thought and desire to write is always there – but 5 months later here we finally are. I tell myself – where is the time? Where does this mistress hide herself and who is it that she elopes with to leave me here – without a single minute left to spare? She tortures; standing still in moments of fear and threat but running away in times of happiness and haunting me in times of regret.
But – it’s an age old excuse isn’t it – I didn’t have the time to. How could I not have had a single second, in the past 166 days, to do something which I started for myself? Something which is an outlet for me, which I enjoy and which is my own. I know I want to, but I tell myself I have more important things to do. All this, at the expense of letting go of a part of me which I enjoy and which makes me more than just what the world around me knows.
I’m somewhere between the devil and the deep blue sea.
Life’s responsibilities , the adult lucifer, is a constant pressure. It whispers in your ear when you are about to fall asleep reminding you of the bills you have to pay and the work you have yet to do. Losing yourself to your adult life – is like drowning in the deepest of seas. For who are we if we lose ourselves? What makes me different from you and what makes me more than just a piece of machinery ?
What then is the lesser of these two evils?
Some say this idiom: between the devil and the deep blue sea, heralds , like all good things, from Greek mythology.
Thought to originate from Homer’s Odyssey, this saying has travelled its own journey to becoming a modern day saying.
In fact, ” somewhere between the devil and the deep blue sea” in its Greek origin is known as ” being between Scylla and Charybdis “. But who was Scylla and who was Charybdis?
Our story is set between the waters of Sicily and Italy – known as the strait of Messina. It was through here which Odysseus had to pass on his long journey back home to Ithaca from the battle of Troy. However like most myths, there was a catch. In this strait there lay two monsters. The first was called Scylla who was once a beautiful nymph – but now a six headed monster of the sea ( the tale of many women’s lives!) who had a hunger for the blood of men ( again, akin to many women’s lives perhaps?!) The second was Charybdis – another monster but less of the physical kind and more the geographical. Charybdis was a large whirlpool , lying very close to Scylla and capable of swallowing Odysseus, his ship and all his men, in one. These two monsters were so close to one another, that Odysseus had to make the decision of which threat was greater and which had less of a chance of taking them all alive.
Odysseus really was stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea.
The decision? Well as Homer writes:
“Sail on past her—top speed! Better by far to lose six men and keep your ship than lose your entire crew,”
Odysseus sacrifices a few of his men to the appetite of Scylla at the expense of being consumed entirely by the abyss of Charybdis.
And so like Odysseus I too must make a decision – whether to let the stress of life consume all of me or make the small moments to stop and enjoy life – pressing pause for a moment – and dealing with potential consequences later on.
Well at least I’m not stuck between a rock and a hard place – for the sea is a much gentler mistress.
That and I know how to swim.